I May Not Know What Youre Going Through but Im Here for You
When someone we know suffers a loss or is going through a difficult state of affairs, we're often not sure what to say. Sometimes we constitutional or, worse, say nix and avert the person. But that doesn't help at all, and it leaves united states of america dragging around a ton of guilt…and possibly isolating someone we love.
So, how do we show we intendance? While every heartache is unique to the person going through it, at that place are universal emotions many of us experience during times of grief and loss. Especially when those nosotros intendance almost are hurting, genuine empathy can guide our words and deportment: Effort thoughtfully considering what kindnesses would speak to you if you were in a similar situation.
Here are some examples of comforting words to call back about the next time yous're struggling with how to help someone going through tough times.
Someone you love is struggling with addiction.
TRY THIS: "I want you to know I'm in this with you. We're going to fight this together." Maybe your friend'southward child is the one suffering or being treated at a rehabilitation centre: Y'all might say, "I intendance well-nigh you and am here to listen if yous need to talk." One more thing—addiction is a sensitive topic. And then keeping your conversations confidential volition prove your friend you lot respect their privacy and volition give them reassurance to express their feelings freely.
AVOID THIS: Offering specific communication. Unless you're sitting in a counselor's office and you're the counselor, kindly keep your opinions to yourself. A few other no-nos:
"Have y'all tried quitting cold turkey?" or "Just put your mind to information technology. That's what I did when I gave up chocolate." Information technology's very rare that comparisons from your personal feel volition assistance, peculiarly with something as serious equally addiction. One way to look at information technology: Think most something you love that would be actually difficult to give up. Then, multiply it by 1,000. So, consider this battle a matter of life and death. That's a small glimpse of the hurting of habit.
Show YOU CARE: Visit your friend whenever possible or appropriate. Or offering to drive them to the rehab facility to see their kid. If they'd like, await in the antechamber every bit an actress force of back up. Take them to lunch afterward or ship them home with a intendance packet of comforting things: a cozy throw, a super huggable stuffed animal, some chamomile tea.
Your friend is suffering from mental health issues.
Endeavour THIS: "You are very important to me and nothing volition ever alter that." Or "You lot're a wonderful person and I wish I could have away this hurting from your heart." Or only, "Can I give yous a hug?" These quotes also work for a parent of someone struggling with depression, bipolar disorder, or some other mental health claiming. Many moms and dads feel ostracized in what is oftentimes a lifelong battle, and saying something kind tin can make a huge difference.
AVOID THIS: "Are y'all off your meds over again?" Or "Cheer up! The sun's out!" Or "I don't understand why yous tin can't only snap out of it." Let's suspension and call up that a mental health diagnosis is a medical struggle, not merely a little bit of sadness or eccentric beliefs. This is a time to practice being judgment-gratis and accepting of each other.
Show YOU CARE: Have your friend out for coffee or bulldoze an wearied parent to visit their child at a mental health center. Be nowadays for someone who near probable feels very alone. One more tip: Do the conscientious thing when talking to a parent with a troubled child. If y'all have the perfect kid, avoid humble bragging in forepart of them. Information technology can feel heartbreaking for a parent whose kid may never get meliorate.
Your sister just got a worrying diagnosis for her child.
Effort THIS: "I'grand so distressing. I desire to be here for you, in whatsoever mode helps you the best." You could even say, "I'm going to be checking on you more than," then commit to calling or making plans with her on a regular basis.
Avoid THIS: "They're going to exist okay." Or "My friend's son got the same thing and he's totally fine now." Sadly, equally much as we want to predict a happy prognosis, it'southward out of our control. Instead, keep that hope within your heart and your caring will shine through.
SHOW You CARE: Drib off some groceries at their front door or club pizza and get information technology delivered. Pull in their garbage cans on trash day. Send a gift to the family unit, like movie passes or bring a special treat for the children. Any fiddling affair that can lighten their brunt will be much appreciated.
Your blood brother is going through problems with his adult child.
TRY THIS: "I'thou then sorry. It'southward really unfair your family is going through so much stress." When grown up kids are suffering, it'due south a very troublesome kind of heartache. Approach your loved ones with gentleness and mayhap some extra assurance, "I volition always beloved you and your family unit."
Avoid THIS: "They're as well sometime to be interim similar that." Or "Your kid needs to straighten up!" Or "You should only cut them off." Tough-dearest statements aren't very helpful and tin can add extra anxiety. You lot may have excellent points, only someone once said it'south better to exist kind than to exist correct. (And we agree.)
Show YOU CARE: Listen carefully to your family unit member: what they're maxim and what they're non saying. Just having someone to vent to may be enough. But if you desire to become the extra mile, bring over their kid's favorite childhood meal or dessert. A little reminder of good times might bring some much-needed promise.
Your best friend is moving their dad to an assisted living dwelling house.
Try THIS: "I know this is very difficult for you. How have you lot been doing?" Let your friend allow off some steam—they may have been waiting for this moment to unload everything on their listen.
AVOID THIS: "Why are you so worried? They'll be well taken care of." Or "Why don't you get your siblings to assist you lot more?" From the emotional toil to the fiscal burden to the frustrations of the parent-child human relationship, caring for an aging mother or father is no easy task. Our gift to our friends is to not add an extra layer of complexity.
SHOW You Care: A thoughtful note tin can work wonders when someone is stretched thin, depleted, and sad to see their parent'south failing wellness. If your friend likes visitor, offer to run errands with them or accept them to a lighthearted movie to get their heed off things for a few hours.
One of your friends is diagnosed with a terminal illness.
TRY THIS: "You're my friend and I want you to experience supported and loved." Or "For time to come reference, I never get tired of giving out hugs, okay?"
Avoid: "I'm going to pray for a phenomenon." You can still silently pray for your friend, but your caring presence will brand the near difference. Another not-so-helpful response: "Have you tried juicing? I hear it can really plough things around." In some instances, your friend might like your help researching alternative healing and holistic treatments, simply it's all-time to follow their atomic number 82 in this type of discussion.
SHOW You lot CARE: Your friend will need different things at different times, from back up during the initial shock to shopping for a nourishing diet to getting dog-walking help on days she feels weak. Get the squad together and brainstorm ways you tin can help as a group. Maybe you make a rotating schedule of who sits with her at treatments. Maybe information technology's a continuing appointment with the girls. Maybe she wants to put together a memory book for her family…and you offer to assistance.
Your friend recently suffered a miscarriage.
Attempt THIS: "I'k and so, so sorry. Thank you for telling me. Would yous like to come over for some coffee sometime and talk well-nigh it?" Or "My heart breaks for you. I know having a infant means the world to you lot."
DON'T SAY: "Yous'll get pregnant again…you just wait!" Or "Take you lot thought about adoption?" Or "At to the lowest degree yous already have two kids." Losing a baby creates a deep, agonized wound that is often grieved in silence. Try not to fix this for your friend. Just let her weep…just hold her hand.
Prove Y'all CARE: Brand a handbasket of goodies. Hither are a few ideas to get yous started: a blanket, teas, an oversized mug, her favorite candy, a pedicure gift card. If you're a cook, broil her a warm dish to enjoy—or bring in sandwiches if you're more of a takeout girl or guy.
A colleague is going through an extremely stressful time.
TRY THIS: "I wish I had a magic wand to make all of this stress go abroad. But I do accept time to heed." Or "I know you're conveying a huge burden right now. I would like to drop off dinner to your firm one night." Or "Mind if I drive you to your appointment? We tin grab a chai afterward."
AVOID THIS: "It could exist a whole lot worse." Or "When I'm stressed, I just go my hubby to rub my back." Note: Your friend may not take anyone to lean on. That's why the weight of the world might be and then heavy. It's best not to emphasize that bespeak even more.
Prove Y'all CARE: Offer to drive your friend to the airport, to their auto dealership for an all-mean solar day repair (and then they don't have to sit forever), or assist with some other overwhelming errand or task. Get them a chair massage gift card or go out a warm breakfast pastry on their desk. Sometimes it's the smallest things that really bring light to a dark time.
One of your friends just lost their pet.
TRY THIS: "Losing a pet is so very hard. They're family and they'll always be in our hearts." Or "I'm so sorry. Yous two were the perfect pair. I know you loved each other very much." Or "You gave Sonny a wonderful life and he gave y'all so much joy. I always liked hearing your stories near his antics and promise you lot continue to keep telling them."
Avoid THIS: Comments that downplay the grief. "At least your cat lived a long time." Or "I call up you lot should get a new puppy!" Or "Oh, really? That sucks." Fur family unit is family unit and being sensitive to that will bring comfort to a very sad time.
SHOW YOU Care: Notice a cute flick on Instagram of your friend's fur baby and put information technology in a frame for their desk. Write down one of your favorite anecdotes of their beloved pet. Get a personalized stepping-stone with the sweet pet's name, and equally a bonus, bring a constitute that tin be added to the garden in their retentivity.
A friend is going through a messy breakup.
Attempt THIS: "Even though things are rough right now, I want yous to know you lot're a groovy guy and your friends intendance most you." Or "It'due south painful for a relationship to terminate. We desire you to know we've got your back."
AVOID THIS: "You lot're too skilful for them anyway." Or "I always thought they'd exist the type to cheat." Focus your efforts on supporting your friend in a positive way, non cut down their ex. A good affair to call back: Leave the venting to your friend…they'll probably be fine taking on that role.
Bear witness You Intendance: Invite your friend to run into some alive music. Or maybe help them pack up holding that trigger unwelcoming memories. Y'all could even bring over a pizza and binge watch a thriller or comedy series. They'll probably like the visitor more than they know.
Source: https://ideas.hallmark.com/articles/encouragement-ideas/comforting-words/
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